Have you ever wondered why you seem to attract people who are emotionally unavailable? It turns out, it isn’t necessarily the universe punishing you, or karma from that mistake you made 15 years ago (that you still think about more often than you’d like). As it happens, anxious people can tend towards attracting people who are emotionally unavailable.But why would someone who thrives on certainty, craves security, and needs predictability actually seek out someone who cant pr

It seems like back in the day, things were so much simpler. We taped songs directly off the radio; if it wasn’t in Encyclopaedia Britannica or Encarta 95 then it technically didn’t exist; and there were only two types of toothpaste to choose from. Fast forward to the almost-mid 2000’s and it seems like there are options everywhere. Even our options have options. And if you find yourself single nowadays, the relationship sphere can be a complex and scary world, whether you are

Ending a relationship rarely comes as a surprise to both parties. While one partner may feel blindsided, often the other has spent time ruminating over the future of the relationship: feelings of intimacy fade into uncertainty and second-guessing.Sometimes this happens rapidly, and other times is happens gradually over time. However, how exactly should we end a relationship? When you think about it, the process of breaking up is no different to executing any other goal. So i

Social Anxiety is a term that I hear get thrown around more and more lately. Sometimes people will come to therapy convinced that they have this disorder, claiming “I just can’t be bothered with people” or “I just don’t have much to say sometimes!”.However, neither of these things on their own really qualify anyone for a diagnosis of social anxiety disorder. It’s true that a lot of people confuse social anxiety with being an introvert, and shyness.So I’m here to set the recor

Do you ever feel like there is something blocking you, in your way? Or perhaps it feels like you are stuck on something that has happened to you, or like there is a hole in you. As we go through life, we accumulate “baggage” – things that happen to us throughout our lives that have an inevitable and lasting impact.Sometimes we play a role in these things and other times they happen outside of our control. Much of the time there is not one cause but many, where the only thing

Everyone experiences daily stress and anxiety – it is a normal part of adult life. Chronic stress and anxiety however, can take a toll on us by way of emotional exhaustion.But how is emotional burnout different to just feeling overwhelmed? A good way to think about it is that where feeling overwhelmed can come and go fairly quickly, and arise from an intense rush of emotion at once through either one or multiple stressors; emotional exhaustion (or burnout) is chronic – it ex

Something we talk a lot with our clients about are our “happy hormones”. Whether it is in relation to the potential causes of mood disturbances; or explaining how certain medications interact with the different chemicals, it is something we discuss regularly.And if you have ever set foot near social media, you have probably seen memes depicting what that last cell of serotonin might be doing in your brain.But what exactly are these hormones? And what do they even do? I’m so g

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is one of the anxiety related disorders that tends to get minimised the most. It is common to hear comments like “Ugh, I have to fold my towels three ways because I am SO OCD!”or “don’t mind me, that’s just my OCD!”. However, there is a huge difference between these comments and genuine Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and in fact, they don’t really reflect genuine OCD at all.Comments like these are more reflective of OCD’s lesser-known cousin – Ob

Something that has been a common theme with my clients recently has been the development and maintenance of intimate relationships in adulthood. You may know people who seem to have no trouble with this – you know the kind; they seem to just fall into meaningful and healthy relationships with seemingly no effort.Then there are others who seem to attract toxicity, and sometimes even thrive off it.Typically people come to see me regarding the latter.They will ask things like “w

As you may or may not know, You Matter is a leader in providing assessments for adult neurodevelopmental disorders such as Autism Spectrum Disorders, Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder; and Learning Disorders (such as dyslexia). But what does that mean? The clinical interview is the first step in any assessment. Typically these last for an hour, and aside from discussing your reasons for wanting the assessment, your psychologist will ask detailed questions about your b

Human's are innately social creatures, and at some level we are all vying for a sense of connectedness. Every day, people will engage in behaviours with the intention of gaining the attention of those around them - in what is known as "emotional bidding". Whist the concept of emotional bidding is most commonly discussed in the context of intimate relationships, it also applies to friendships and parent-child relationships. Although we all want the same thing - a sense of con

When we choose not to be vulnerable, we might believe that we are doing ourselves a favour; that we are protecting ourselves; and that we are presenting our best, most meticulous selves. We listen to the voice inside us telling us to maintain our perfect, brilliant exteriors so that the ones we care about most never know that we have flaws and scars. But what we are really doing is depriving those closest to us from the opportunity of ever really knowing us. We fear that we

There is no questioning that human beings are social creatures. The health benefits, physically and mentally, of developing and maintaining close relationships have been well documented (increased lifespan and reduced stress to name a few), and most people will have experienced some of the benefits at some point in their lives, and will continue to desire social connectedness. However, despite how much we might crave intimate social connection, many of us harbour certain patt

Frustration is an emotion we experience when we are faced with obstacles that get in the way of us achieving our goals. The way in which we respond to this frustration is a measure of our frustration tolerance, and just like most things in the psychological context, frustration tolerance lies on a spectrum. Those who successfully manage setbacks and respond adaptively have a high frustration tolerance; whereas those who get frustrated at minor inconveniences have a low frust

Exposure therapy is one of the most common forms of therapies used to treat anxiety disorders. This is where exposure comes in. If we can expose ourselves, or habituate to the stimulus (in this case, clowns), we can re-teach our brain that this particular stimulus is NOT something that poses a genuine threat to safety. It’s almost like diving into a cold pool – if you stay in, after a few minutes you don’t feel the cold any more. What people don’t tend to realise is that e

Exposure therapy is one of the most common forms of therapies used to treat anxiety disorders. However, when this is discussed with clients, they often recoil at the thought.“Why would I want to deliberately expose myself to the thing that makes me anxious?” “Can’t you just help me to get over it?!” The truth is, research shows that exposure therapy can be one of the most affective ways to treat anxiety, but to understand why, first we need to understand a little bit more abo

As we find ourselves in a climate that is as uncertain and it is ever-changing; it can feel almost impossible to schedule anything. Often when we become overwhelmed, our mental health is the first thing to fall off the priority list as it becomes “all too hard”. However, these are the times where mental health support is more crucial than ever, as it forms the foundation of everything we do.Luckily, access to our services has never been easier, with face-to-face sessions as w

Welcome to the New Year! The start of a new year often signals a time where we stop to reflect on our lives, how we are going, and where we would ultimately like to be.. And of course this often means.. New Years Resolutions! Whether you believe in them or not, during the month of January it can feel like everyone is talking about their “new year, new me” mindset.Have you ever noticed though that come February, most people have forgotten all about it? What is it that makes Ne

As the year draws to a close, I’d like to take this opportunity to acknowledge all those who have worked with You Matter Psychologists over what has been our first full year of operations. An extension of childpsych, You Matter Psychologists brings the same passion and dedication to see each client as a unique individual, and to help them reach their goals – whatever those might be.Above all, we strive to help each client to “be more than who you are”.But how do we do that? M

With the end of the year coming up it can feel like we are being pulled in a million different directions. A lot about this time of year seems to be about excess – whether It is filling up that social calendar until you don’t have time to breathe; remembering all the presents you need to buy; or going above and beyond with spending in general – everything we do seems to be to the maximum at this time of year. And whilst it can be fun, or at least a novelty for a while, it can