You’re Not Behind in Life: Reframing the Myth of the Timeline

One of the most quietly painful beliefs adults carry is the sense that they are “behind” in life. This feeling often emerges not from a lack of progress, but from comparison to peers, to societal expectations, or to internalised timelines of where one “should” be by a certain age. Whether it’s related to career, relationships, personal development, or family life, this perception can trigger deep shame, self-doubt, and grief.

From a developmental psychology perspective, the idea that adulthood unfolds in predictable, linear stages has long been challenged. Human development is highly individualised. People grow through different pathways, shaped by their personal histories, socio-economic contexts, health, relationships, and identities. The traditional milestones of buying a home, getting married, or advancing professionally are not universal markers of psychological wellbeing or success. They are culturally constructed norms that often overlook the complexities of lived experience.

Psychodynamic theory suggests that the internalised sense of being “behind” is frequently rooted in early relational dynamics and unconscious expectations. These may come from family systems where achievement was equated with worth, or environments that emphasised compliance with external standards over emotional authenticity. In adulthood, these internalised voices can resurface as harsh self-criticism or chronic dissatisfaction.

Social comparison theory, helps explain why feelings of inadequacy intensify in our current digital age. The curated nature of social media distorts perception, making others’ highlight reels appear as benchmarks. This can obscure the reality that growth is often non-linear, private, and profoundly shaped by personal circumstances not visible to the outside world.

Therapeutically, one of the most powerful shifts comes through narrative therapy - a framework that encourages individuals to re-author the story they tell about themselves. This includes questioning dominant cultural narratives about success and recognising alternative stories: stories of resilience, healing, courage, and growth. A person who has navigated loss, illness, identity exploration, or trauma is not “behind” - they are living deeply and adapting meaningfully.

Progress in adulthood is not always visible. It may look like learning to self-regulate, practicing boundaries, developing self-awareness, or simply surviving. These are not signs of failure; they are signs of inner restructuring. True growth often happens quietly, outside of timelines or metrics.

If you or someone you know is struggling with feelings of being “behind” in life or experiencing distress around unmet expectations, please feel free to contact our administration team to book an appointment. Our psychologists offer compassionate, evidence-based support to help you reconnect with your own path - at your own pace.