Conflicts can arise in all relationships and will typically occur when we share a difference of opinion with another person. When a topic is worth arguing over, it carries meaning to those involved and has the potential to lead to problem-solving, negotiating, and resolution, or alternatively leading to further disharmony.
Working through conflict, even minor conflict, can trigger a range of emotions, some of which may be difficult or hurtful and take time to heal. It is worth being mindful that you and the person you are in conflict with may have different feelings about the topic of disagreement which needs to be respected – sometimes all we can do is agree to (respectfully) disagree. Becoming comfortable with discomfort, uncertainty and any level of change is a difficult part of life, living, but it is inevitable. Whether it be a friendship, an intimate partner or colleague, working through conflict may not happen quickly; this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. With the time to organise your thoughts, and the skills to work through conflict in a healthy way is important to maintaining healthy relationships.
Well managed and respectful communication / conflict provides potential for positive growth. When being honest and open, people are able to understand what is important to them, clarify and clear any ill-assumptions that may have been occurring; disperse tension; and finally, help a relationship evolve. When conflict isn’t managed well, it can become damaging for all involved and the foundations of the relationship. Alternatively, when conflict is avoided, it can build leading to resentment, and result in an argument disproportionately larger than compared with the initial disagreement. Where communication is avoided, this suppresses the opportunity for individuals to make healthy changes within their relationships and stay “connected” to one-another.
Differences are inevitable, different needs are inevitable. Ignoring the need for conversation is to ignore an important part of one-another and to devalue the relationship. Ideally, a positive pathway through conflict is by finding a solution that is more preferable than continuing in the same manner. There are a handful of helpful strategies to assist with this.
1. Genuine desire to resolve the conflict
2. Setting a time and place to discuss
3. Explore the essence of the problem
4. Find a mutually agreeable solution
5. Carry it out together
6. Timeframe to review
At times a solution cannot be found despite having the best of intentions. Feelings may be too strong or an issue too difficult, and in these situations, it may be necessary to get the assistance of a third person.
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