Learning to Receive: The Psychology of Accepting Support

For many adults, the act of giving feels natural - offering time, care, guidance, or practical help to others. But when it comes to receiving, whether it’s support, kindness, recognition, or love there is often discomfort. In therapeutic work, “learning to receive” is not a sign of passivity or weakness. It is a meaningful and often transformative act of emotional growth.

From a psychodynamic perspective, difficulties with receiving are frequently linked to early relational patterns. If care in childhood was conditional, inconsistent, or withheld, adults may internalise the belief that accepting help is unsafe, burdensome, or undeserved. This can manifest as chronic self-reliance, perfectionism, or discomfort with vulnerability, each a defence against potential rejection or disappointment.

Attachment theory also offers insight into why receiving can feel so complex. Individuals with avoidant attachment styles, for example, may have learnt to downplay their needs to maintain emotional safety. As adults, this can translate into difficulty trusting others’ intentions, dismissing offers of help, or feeling exposed when accepting care. While these patterns may have once been protective, they can quietly limit opportunities for connection and emotional nourishment in adult life.

In contrast, learning to receive requires openness, trust, and a willingness to tolerate emotional intimacy. It involves recognising that our worth is not dependent on being constantly competent, independent, or self-sufficient. It allows for interdependence and the ability to both give and receive within healthy, reciprocal relationships.

Research on self-compassion, reinforces this idea. Receiving is not indulgent, it is a necessary component of wellbeing. When we allow ourselves to receive support, encouragement, or care, we send an internal message that we are worthy of kindness.

In therapy, moments of growth often begin when someone accepts something simple: a compliment, a moment of care, or even just the space to feel seen without judgement. These acts may seem small, but they disrupt entrenched patterns and begin to reshape internal narratives.

If you or someone you know finds it difficult to accept help, love, or support, you’re not alone. These patterns are often rooted in deep emotional experiences and can be gently reshaped over time. Please feel free to contact our administration team to book an appointment. Our clinicians offer evidence-based, compassionate support to help you explore these patterns and begin to receive more fully—both from others and from yourself.