Whether it is a “birds & bees” inspired conversation or in response to something else, it is never too early to start conversations about sex & sexuality. Now more than ever, with the plethora of information available to children & young adults, it has become necessary to begin conversations to help your child become socialized according to your family values rather than other sources of input (e.g. peers or social media).
But where to begin? Whether it is a younger child or a teenager, it is important to be mindful of their age, development & maturity. This includes the language used, understanding forms of protection & consent. Some young people may have lots of questions, others less so, but be prepared to answer questions even if it is to validate their curiosity; if you are unsure how to answer their questions in the moment, let them know that you will get back to them once you have given it some thought. Actually, coming back to the conversation is crucial, a young person will seek out an answer from somewhere & it is far better that they are receiving the information from you.
As a parent, it can often feel as though there are parts of parenting that are more daunting, parts that are big milestones & discussing sexuality often falls into these categories. The thing is though, there are many aspects that have been discussed since the child was very young. Beginning in toddlerhood, parents would have discussed respecting one another, respecting others’ bodies, & how to care for your body, what parts of your body are private. A formal discussion may not always be necessary, rather a natural progression in conversation that aligns with their age, development & social maturity.
As a young person matures & the depth of conversation matures, consent is an important part of the conversation. It is important for the young person to understand that before any sexual act takes place, that they have both verbally consented – not just assumed so. This sounds simple however, this can be a difficult step for teenagers because it may feel awkward & they aren’t sure how to ask or how to say “no”; just because someone didn’t say “no” that doesn’t mean they said “yes”. It is incredibly important to speak clearly & openly with children & young people about respectful & safe sex & their sexuality. Anything less, leaves the young person vulnerable.
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